Kathy & Ruben

Kathy & Ruben

This is a wonderful story of the amazing journey of Kathy and Ruben—ending in pure happiness. And, if you want to listen to the whole podcast episode, click HERE

The Beginning…

I was a stay at home Mom, taking care of my husband and two children - and I was married for 42 years. About 10 years ago, my husband was traveling a LOT for work (we lived in the Southwest US and his job was on the East Coast during the week). It was Mother's Day, and I thought I'd fly out and surprise him, and the surprise was on me when his girlfriend answered the door (turns out they'd been living together for 2 years).

I was left with $400, and he took my legs out from under me. I had to borrow money from my daughter to hire a divorce attorney, and started walking through the tunnel of divorce. It was excruciating, and yet, I persevered and every day, I grew stronger and more resilient. I was NOT going to curl up in a corner and die. I knew I had to be a role model for my daughter and grandchildren, and I became a new person.

The Decision

I had dated on and off for about nine years after the divorce, but just kept 'missing the mark.' I couldn't figure out what was going sideways - I always looked nice, would smile at people, work makeup, and just couldn't meet the right person. I started following Bela when she was on the Steve Harvey show, and during COVID, starting attending her IG Lives and getting inspired by Smart Dating Academy's 'psychotic optimism' and warm feeling. And then I turned 70 (yep), and that made me stop and take stock of myself and my life. I said, "I'm going to invest in myself!" and so when Bela announced the "Dating Over 50" Love Lab last year, I was one of the first people to sign up. I was a little nervous, because I live in a rural part of a low population state, and I just couldn't wrap my arms around "HOW" I was going to meet someone where I lived. But Bela and Steve Harvey always said, "A man that wants to be with you will go cross country for you," so I thought I'd give it a shot.

Moving Forward

Best decision I've made, and man, has my life changed. I did the Love Lab (and if you're thinking of doing it, DO IT DO IT DO IT!), and I was so inspired that I enlisted their help for 12 months of coaching after that. Was I in for the time of my life. I flew to Chicago, and did a photo shoot that made me look as AWESOME as I am. Bela and Ilene gave me LOTS of advice on the clothes I should bring, and I bought new clothes. I listened to EVERYTHING they told me to do. Everything!

..it was a “when” not an “if”…

I started tweaking everything I was doing - they told me to adjust my mindset, and I did. I started to believe in my heart that love did exist for me, that it was a "when" not an "if." I stopped searching for what I thought I "wanted" in my "dream man" and focused on my "High GHQ guy" as Bela/Ilene taught me how to do. I changed the radius to attract more men, and surprisingly, they told me to also include men that were younger in my search. And, believe it or not, in walked Ruben into my inbox - and he was 2.5 hours away from me (and I'm talking hundreds of miles).

Dating The Right Way

We video dated MANY times (as Ilene had me do), and got to know each other DEEPLY even before we met for our first date in person. I knew that this was someone special, and the first time we met, he brought me yellow roses for friendship. And after we fell in love, the roses became 'red' -- until I told him that white is my favorite.

Finding The “One”

He is so attentive, wonderful, and makes me feel smart - and this was something I never felt in my marriage. He asks me for my opinions on things, and genuinely wants to know. He allows to me have my voice, and we have each others' backs. He asked my daughter for her blessing before he asked me to move in with him, and we are planning to have a 'commitment ceremony' soon. I always said "I don't want to be a nurse or a purse" to a man. And guess what? I needed hip replacement, and he insisted on taking care of me. He saw me at my worst, and we spent so much time together, just talking, getting to know each other, and it's been EASY. We've had speed bumps, of course, as we have adult children and grandchildren, but we have each others' backs.

Here's what I'll tell you - and I'll scream it from the mountain tops. Do the Dating Over 50 Love Lab. Listen to Bela and Ilene and Lindsay. Do what they tell you to do - and it might not happen right away, or as fast as it did for me, but keep doing it and it works. It really works. I'm living proof, and I hope my story inspired you - because I never thought it could happen to me. I'm happier than I've ever been, and hope you find the same love.

Love,

Kathy.