Sugar and Justin

Sugar & Justin

If you want to listen to the whole podcast episode, click HERE.

So, a little backstory on me. I’m an identical twin, and my grandfather nicknamed my sister and I “Sugar and Spice” (our real names are Almira and Giovanna). Spice and I are best friends, went to college together, and we both married men we met at Purdue University. Spice’s husband Ken is one of the greatest men I know, but let’s just say I didn’t get as lucky (I was married for ten years, went through a heartbreaking divorce.)

I guess what you can say is that there was something like a “perfect storm” in my life. After covid lockdown, I had a family member who was facing a medical crisis, a friend was looking to hire a “millionaire” match-maker, and I had come to realize that I wanted to share the life I absolutely LOVE with a special plus one. And, as happens, when I opened up a Fortune Cookie, here’s what the message said, “You need to make more time for romance.” I knew that it was time to get my mojo back. Now, the question is “how” would I do that?

OK, so funny enough, I suggested to my friend that wanted to hire the ‘millionaire matchmaker’ that she look at someone else. I had seen Bela on CBS, and Steve Harvey – and knew that she was an elite dating coach. One day, I saw her at NOMI (a beautiful high end restaurant in Chicago). Bela didn’t know me, but we met eyes, and she smiled at me with a warmth that instantly made me feel ‘at home’ and connected. So my friend who needed help (and I) filled out forms on this website, Spice and I did a TON of research on Bela/SDA. She reached out to me to chat, and listened to me (and Spice, lol) for over an hour to make sure that we were making a good decision for me. I realized that I needed guidelines and guard rails to deal with online dating.

WHAT?

So I started the process for one year!  Super excited.  Bela and Ilene were my coaches through the process, mainly Ilene.  I first did my photo shoot, and got some of the best photos ever (but they’re super natural and me).  But,  truth be told, it was a SLOW start for me.  I had TONS of internal demons – my divorce 9 years ago really did a number on my self-confidence, and I didn’t think that I would find anyone.  Ilene helped me to realize that I friendzone everyone - so Ilene encouraged me to look at them as “friend plus” (lol)!  Additionally, my stubbornness held me back; I live in the city in Chicago, and had very rigid rules (before SDA).  I kept preferences at: 1 – 3 miles from my River North neighborhood, I never replied to just “hi” or one-liners, I didn’t want to “make the first move” and message men, and I definitely wasn’t “psychotically optimistic!”

Turning Point

Ilene and Bela kept telling me that “It only takes one!” And, finding love for me – “it’s not a matter of IF, it’s a matter of WHEN!” One night I was listening to one of Bela’s IG Lives (and if you haven’t been one on, you MUST), and she had one of her former clients on that had found love, Marilyn Dollar. Marilyn had been divorced several times. She dated younger, not GHQ® (Good Husband Quality) men. Bela kept encouraging her to look for her age plus ten (because she did just fine looking for younger haha). She met her soon to be husband, Jim, who on the first date brought her flowers, started with drinks, and gave her the option to join him for dinner; because her ‘picker was broken’ (something Bela & Ilene talk about A LOT), Marilyn thought Jim was BORING until several dates when she learned he wasn’t (and Bela coached her along the way). It was at the moment that something clicked in my head. I always thought men my age (46) would never want to date anyone their age – they would always prefer younger women, and that day, I adjusted my search parameters to look for a wider swath of ages!

DATING “FUN”-NEL

As you’ll learn by working with them, they will have you develop a dating funnel (that will come because they’ll do an AWESOME photo shoot of you and give you their amazing workbook to write the perfect profile). So, I started to get more hits than I had gotten in the past, and I had to get used to talking/video-dating/IRL dating several men at a time. Not easy, especially when you’ve been married, right? I kept a binder of all my Smart Dating Academy information and wrote in a journal to document my journey because I had to keep it “FUN” and light-hearted so I didn’t let the ‘rejection’ get to me. I even made a “game” with pictures of the men and asking my friends to guess a) who friend-zoned me, b) who showed up in a hoodie, c) who was SUPER DULL, d) took me on a great sushi date, immersive Van Gogh and then 3 days later went back to his ex-girlfriend.

IT ONLY TAKES ONE…..

I found Justin on Facebook Dating – I use FB a LOT so I figured why not try it? His profile was so refreshing and nice and one of his photos was him flying a plane. His first message to me showed me he read my profile and he told me he is an IDENTICAL TWIN himself!!! Buuuuttt…he lives in Wisconsin – 100 miles from downtown Chicago!!! Yes, I changed my location preference LOL. We video-chatted, started texting and talked every day. He would call me every night as well. He was so consistent, supportive of all the activities I was involved in and so kind. Our first date was on his birthday – Halloween!! We spent over 4 hours together and my twin was about to call a search party because I told her I’d be back in 2 hours. He would drive 100 miles back and forth to city every 2 weeks to see me. We also would meet up in Lake Geneva for our other dates. He asked me in December if I liked Disney and I said “who doesn’t?” He then invited me to join him on a 6-day trip with him to celebrate his career transition and I told him two things had to happen:

• He has to meet Spice and Ken (my twin sister and her hubs who is a brother to me)

• We have to be exclusive

By the end of that conversation, we set a date to meet Spice/Ken, and we were exclusively ‘boyfriend/girlfriend!”

JUSTIN & SUGAR

So, not only is he the lid to my pot, and a twin himself, but he and I both LOVE desserts, and we both don’t drink (I’m allergic and he doesn’t really like to drink unless it’s a pina colada or strawberry daiquiri). He LOVES Disney more than I do – and almost more than Spice does. He has met sooooo many of my friends – Purdue friends, downtown friends, Dance Jam ladies… Even my brother says he can “HANG” – I mean, the guy wore a Bridgerton costume for the Bridgerton Ball that he ordered himself without any help or encouragement from ME!! He LOVES animals – I have a 3-legged chinchilla that is my baby and 6 godchinchillas that I take care of when Spice and Ken are out of town

THE FUTURE

So, remember that profile photo of Justin with him flying a plane?  Justin leaves for Dallas for 1 to possibly 3 years for pilot training. We aren’t sweating it because neither of us have any trust issues with each other, 1 year goes by soooo fast, I can work remotely so we have plans to visit, we’re in it TOGETHER, and we have Bela and Ilene to help us navigate if we need it!!!