The 5 Biggest Dating Mistakes
I've been a dating coach for ten years, and through that time, I've identified some of the BIGGEST mistakes singles make at any age. I shared them with Steve Harvey, and here they are for you!
Mistake #1 is bringing your own negative mental thoughts into the date. Thoughts like “I’m not good enough, I only attract bad people, I’m too fat” These stories will keep you stuck where you are. You need to turn these stories into positive ones — “love exists for me. I am beautiful just as I am.” If you tell yourself bad stories, you feel bad, and you know what happens? We do nothing, and sit in the same place we’ve been for months and years.
Mistake #2 is thinking you have to have instant chemistry or fireworks with someone. Here’s the real deal behind that — good strong love starts slowly. You may not feel big chemistry on date one, but as long as there are no red flags, you should definitely give the person a second/third date. I’ve seen love stories where the chemistry didn’t start until the 6/7th/8th date or even a few months in. So, even if you’re not feeling a rush, try to screen the person in and see if that chemistry can develop!
Mistake #3 is narrowing it down to one person too quickly. So often, we just want to move right into a relationship and focus on just one person at a time - and this is especially true for women. Think of your dating life like a horse race, and you’ve got to have many horses to make it a race. Dating multiple people at the same time helps to keep you objective when you’re out there finding love, and it keeps your dating mojo HIGH. You walk around with a spring in your step when you’ve got a few options - and if someone ghosts, it doesn’t hurt as much because you’ve got a few others in the mix.
Mistake #4 is having sex too soon. Some people think there is a three date rule — and this is just not the case. Practice sex-clusivity - or having sex with someone only when you’ve entered into an exclusive relationship — which should be around 2/3 months after you’ve started dating (at the earliest). If you think that sounds crazy or that no one will wait that long for you - I’ll tell you that the right men will. Here’s the scoop — When you have sex and have an orgasm as a woman, you’re emitting very high levels of oxytocin which is the attachment hormone. So, now, you’re chemically attached to a person that you might not love or even know if he’s good for you. This is why women aren’t that wonderful at having casual sex — because we become attached easily. Practice sexclusivity or not having sex before you’re ready, and you’ll be happy you did!
Mistake #5 is ignoring red flags. Every single person I’ve helped will tell me that they saw the red flags very early on in their previous relationships — but for whatever reasons, they ignored them. Red flags could be anything from being dishonest, negative, angry, critical or controlling - just to name a few.Always always trust your gut — if something feels wrong, it is wrong. Don’t jump into something too fast if it seems off — you will usually regret it and never ever ignore red flags.
Avoid these mistakes and you'll have taken a great first step in finding love!