The right resolutions to make and keep
A new year, a new list of resolutions! Losing weight, getting a new job, working out. And the list goes on…
But what about finding love? So many of us think that if we lose weight – then we’ll find love. The truth is, finding love has nothing to do with what you look like or what’s external, and everything to do with how you feel about yourself and accepting yourself just the way you are. When you can do that, you will attract someone who will also accept and love you as you are.
With that in mind, keep your resolutions to better yourself but add loving yourself and finding love as well. Here’s how:
1) Prioritize Love
Finding love is something that we so often think will "just happen" and isn’t something we should work for. This is a gigantic fallacy. If you want to lose weight, change careers or get a new job, what do you do? Set a goal, make a plan and stick to it. Finding love is no different. Throw everything you have at finding love - and make it your absolute top priority, including time, effort and dollars. And like a workout, you should spend at least one hour a day on your plan. (If you need a jump start plan, we can help!)
2) Get Rid of Toxic Exes and their Remnants
The 3am booty calls, the old exes that come around and fan old flames? Resolve to let them GO. Contrary to what you believe, they DO hold you back. You can't invest yourself in a new search if you always have a back-up plan, because it diminishes your incentive. As painful as it might be, delete their phone numbers, stop responding and purge your house of anything that reminds you of an ex. Gifts, letters, photos: get rid of them. Facebook stalking: stop it. Anything that makes you reminiscent or sad: throw it out!
3) Make a 3-Pronged Dating Plan
A thorough dating plan includes 3 key elements: Letting online opportunities work for you, Utilizing real life meeting situations, and Vigilant networking for good set-ups. Think “LUV”:
L is for “Let them Come to You” Online dating is by far the easiest way to meet people you would normally never meet in real life. Where else can you advertise yourself for practically pennies and screen potential suitors without even leaving your house? The key is to have great photos, highlight your most appealing qualities and be specific in your interests and values. That way, you will attract someone who likes you for who you are. And pay special attention to the daters who notice you – whether in the “who’s viewed me" section, the “favorites” section or those who write to you directly. Maybe they don’t have your dream qualities, but they may just have Good Husband Qualities that have eluded all of your exes!!
U is for “Utilize Real Life Situations” It’s time to get out there and meet people. And you don’t have to go to bars. Try your favorite local café, take a class in something that interests you or volunteer for a cause that matters to you - all places that are ideal for meeting someone with similar values and interests. And don’t be shy – overcome your fears and strike up a conversation!
V is for “Vigilant Networking” The number one way to meet someone is still through family, friends and co-workers. Why? Your friends, family and co-workers naturally affiliate with people who share the same values and interests as you. So instead of rolling your eyes when someone that you know suggests setting you up, keep an open mind and see for yourself what that person is about before you pooh-pooh the idea. Likewise, accept every invitation to parties and get-togethers. You never know whom you might meet!
So work hard and fulfill your resolution to find love in 2012. As in the movie Field of Dreams – build it and they will come!
Posted on Fri, February 3, 2012