There are a lot of outdated dating books out there that advise women to become “totally passive.” We should just sit back and let the man treat us like a princess. According to this advice, the man simply basks in the glory of doing this – and wants nothing in return; just the mere opportunity to show you he cares. Along this same line of advice, John Gray (whose advice I generally respect and agree with) wrote in “Mars and Venus on a Date” something that raised my eyebrows a few years ago when I first read it: Reaching over to unlock a man’s car door after he opens your car door is a huge mistake. By doing this, Gray asserts that we are “robbing” men of their masculinity, and the chance to “give” to us. My personal radar said, “Hmmm! Don’t agree with that one!” Years later, this Gray anecdote interestingly re-entered my sphere last week. My male client Sam (from Chicago) was left positively breathless and happy by his date, Belinda. Why? Because, gasp, she opened his car door (keep reading)!
Sam is by most standards the perfect catch: handsome, tall, 34, loves sports and is an amazing cook. Has been consistently promoted at the same company for the past 15 years, loves high end restaurants, dresses like the dapper Don Draper, and is just a really good, consistent guy. During a coaching session last week, Sam recounted a story about an experience he had with a woman on a first date that made him really like her for two reasons. First reason: In our Smart Dating Tip #3, we talked about the importance of dressing well. Belinda looked like a million bucks on the date – and dressed in a simple yet beautiful dress. He was so used to women who were in skinny jeans and cleavage baring tops – that upon seeing Belinda in her frock, he thought he had died and gone to heaven.
Now, the beautiful dress is not the point of this story. The second substantive reason he liked her is that she was thoughtful and had great manners (manners really matter on dates, especially in the beginning)! Sam, while still recovering from Belinda’s beautiful outfit, and now floating about 2 inches off the ground (like a character from Tom and Jerry)- politely walked over to open Belinda’s car door for her as they were headed out to dinner. He waited for her to get comfortably inside, and then closed the door. He then watched in amazement as she leaned over, dressed up and all, and unlocked his door from the inside. He was stunned. He couldn’t believe that Belinda was not only was gorgeous, but also thoughtful. He had never seen a woman do that – and based upon this small, arguably trivial gesture, assessed that could someday make a great partner, and asked her out again before the date was over.
Women: The moral of the story here is to be as thoughtful to your date as you would be for anyone else! Be greatly appreciative of men’s efforts to take care of you (take great care to thank him profusely for a good time, good restaurant, for paying, etc) but be careful to “do your part” and be nice and thoughtful in return! Most guys are watching for this – they want a good partner in marriage and in life. For Sam, this “unlocking the door” has become the new litmus test for women everywhere to pass! Stay tuned for more about Sam and Belinda in the next few weeks!
*Original Article Posted at AskAmyDaily*
Posted on Sat, March 10, 2012