Dating Tip #2 - Almost Always Give Someone a Second Chance
First impressions are crucial – but whoa – can they sometimes be wrong! Haven’t you ever said or done something, and wished that a giant “UNDO” button would appear, erasing the cringeworthy thing that just came out of your mouth? In dating, this happens ALL the time – when we do or say something “off” out of nerves – and we get screened out for a minor transgression that has absolutely nothing to do with our true character L
Funny enough – I’ve heard two stories from Chicago women of a near missed connections – having to do with the same reason. They both almost let go of a good man because he played foul by female law on Date #1 – the old, leaving ‘em to get home/in the house by themselves. Rude? Maybe…. Dealbreaker? Not so much.
Three weeks ago, my client “Mandy” went on a Match.com date with “Keith.” Promptly 90 minutes after the date had ended, I heard my cell phone buzz with a text:
Mandy: “Don’t think Keith liked me very much.”
Mandy: “We left the bar, said goodbye, and he just took off. Didn’t even wait for me to hail a cab.
Now, being in the thick of it with each client, I’m a little bummed – and trying to think of a “make Mandy feel better” response.
Suddenly, my IPhone buzzes again:
Mandy: “Hmmm, Keith just texted me that he had a great time, and wants to go out on Saturday.”
Bela: “If 70% of the date was good, give him another chance, and don’t toss him back for one foul.
Saturday’s date was fantastic – they had a really fun night, and he said, “I haven’t met a girl as cool as you in a long time.” This week, they got a title: “boyfriend/girlfriend” Awwww!!!! And, he sent her an email with the text that’s on the cover of this blog!! And, most importantly, Keith has not pulled any cab fouls again….Stay tuned for Mandy and Keith stories!
It reminded me of a personal story – of a good friend of mine from Waukegan, IL. My childhood friend Amy was about to “ditch” her suitor Dr. Adam after the first date – when he dropped her off at home at 10pm, and just drove away – as she walked up to her apartment in the pitch black night. ”WHO DOES THAT?” she and her girlfriends discussed? Ugh – must be a narcissist, jackass”, and the judgements abounded. Amy called Adam the next day – fully intending to dump him, (slyly calling at 2pm, thinking he’d be at work, so she’d just get his answering machine). Instead, Dr. Adam picked up the phone and chatted for an hour. He said, “Can I take you out again?” And….the rest was history. They live in Lake Forest, IL – with 3 beautiful daughters.
For me, there are definite deal breakers that never deserve a second date, such as:
- Someone who is lecherous / not respectful of your boundaries
- Anyone with anger / hostility issues (blows up at a waiter/cabbie)
- People with substance addiction issues (8 drinks on a 2 hour date, eek!)
- Someone who is married/ in a LTR and cheating
Thank goodness that these definite deal breakers are more the exception than the rule!!!
So, the moral of the dating story for this week is this: ”If more than 70% of the date is good (and the 30% has none of the deal breakers above – just minor trangressions/awkwardness) give him or her a second chance!”
*Original Article Posted at AskAmyDaily*
Posted on Sat, February 11, 2012