Get a date by Christmas (or the Holidays)!

Every Saturday this December, hear Bela Gandhi on Bill Moller's show on WGN Radio. Every week she is sharing tips about how to land a date by the holidays and assigning homework to help you out! Her tips are being tested by "test-daters" Kay and Elaine. Tune in every week to see how they are doing and to hear the next set of valuable tips!

Meet our "Test Daters" Kay and Elaine! The following are photos that they had done for their online dating profiles by our amazing photographer, AJ. Notice how full and half body shots are included and they are looking directly into the camera with gorgeous smiles!

Kay launched her online profile during the first week and received 50 contacts in 48 hours!! 

The photo shoots are fun and natural! Below are snapshots from both Kay and Elaine's photo shoots with Bela.

Week 1: Get Yourself Into the Right Mindset and Get Online the Right Way!

Below are the tips we gave on the radio, and underneath is your homework for week #1!!

1. Adjust your belief system.... (there ARE great partners out there for you. Negativity will hinder you).
2. Successful dating begins and ends in your mind. Are there mental roadblocks getting in your way? Do you believe that you're too old, too heavy, that all the good ones are taken, whatever it is, you need to understand what it is that's been holding you back from jumping right in. Dating successful requires hope, resilience and perseverance - determination. You must believe that there is someone out there for you.
3. Get online. There are over 1,500 online dating sites to choose from. Pick 2 sites to be on. I suggest big sites like Match.com, Chemistry.com, eHarmony, JDate if you're Jewish, etc. To get online, you need great photos, head to toe, and a bright smiling headshot that is current! 4-5 pictures total. No other people in the pictures (do NOT cut or scratch people out). The photos should be high resolution, no more than one year old!!
4. Write a compelling profile. It should be around 300 words, positive, fun, playful, specific. SHOW don't tell. Instead of saying you're "kind" - tell us what that means to you (example: I'll cook you my from scratch chicken soup when you get your first bad flu)...

HOMEWORK:

1. Figure out what your internal roadblocks, if any, are. Write them down, and if necessary, talk about them with friends/family or people that you know best. Then, once you know what they are, resolve to not let them stop you and get your motor running!
2. By next week, you should have picked at least one site to get on. Surf the sites and see what makes sense for you.
3. Get great photos - Dress yourself nicely (men: sport coats, jeans, a crisp shirt, nice shoes / women: pretty colors, feminine styles like dresses and skirts). Have someone take them for you, or call us at Smart Dating Academy :)
4. Write a good profile - It's hard to write about yourself, so enlist someone to help you.
5. If you get all this done and launch yourself online, start emailing at least 5 people/day. Tip: If you get on Match.com, use Mutual Match to find the best matches.

Please email us at bela@smartdatingacademy with questions!! Can't wait to hear how you're doing :)

In case you missed it, here is the podcast!

Week 2: Keep Online Dating & add "real life meetings"

As we instructed last week, you should be on a minimum of one online dating site, with 5-6 great pictures (headshots and body shots), a fun, specific profile. You should also be sending 5 emails per day to people that you're interested in! Adding the next step, which will definitely put some zazz into your step, is getting to "real life" events! Here are some of our favorites:

1. Find meet-up groups based on what you like, and attend 1-2 this week (www.meetup.com). You can type in your zip code, interests, and presto! Groups pop up based on what you're looking for / love to do. Remember that you're looking to meet someone though, so if you're a woman looking for a man, don't just look for Pilates groups, etc. Look for co-ed events where men are likely to go!
2. Find a Speed Dating Event… Date and Dash (www.dateanddash.com)
3. Mac and Cheese Minglers (macandcheeseproductions.com)
4. Mingle Around (www.minglearound.com)
5. MeSoFar...(mesofar.net)

HOMEWORK: Find as many groups/events as you can with meet ups this week, and go to at least 1 or 2. And, continue to email 5 people per week!

Week 3: Increase your social circles through your connections

1. Play 6 Degrees of Me on Facebook
2. Use Twitter to set up meet ups
3. Play "Connection Wheel" and think of everyone you know who can help you get dates!!
4. Have a singles dinner (a "Plus One" Party)

As always, feel free to email us at bela@smartdatingacademy.com with questions!

A frequent barrier to a fulfilling relationship involves limited self-worth – whether you don’t like yourself, think you don’t have anything to offer, or you’ve gotten into the rut of focusing more on the negatives than the positives. Have you ever had one of these common beliefs?

“This is too easy. How can this nice person like me?”

“I’m not worthy of him. He is too good for me.”

“When she finds out the ‘real’ me, she’ll break up with me so I might as well do it first.”

Consequences of such beliefs include:

1. Self-sabotaging behaviors. You may start to pick fights and nitpick on the negatives. You may look for “proof” that this person would never work out anyway.

2. Breaking up with your partner. If you believe something is “too good to be true” or you believe it’s inevitable your partner will break up with you, you may end the relationship first so it’s on your terms.

3. Dismissing the “nice” people to pursue the emotionally unavailable ones. Although there is some truth to wanting what we can’t have, going after an emotionally unavailable person may reinforce, in your mind, that you are not worthy or good enough.

Research supports if you expect to be treated well you will; if you don’t, you won’t. You are much more likely to put up with disrespect and poor treatment if you think you don’t deserve any better. Most men and women are attracted to partners who are self-confident and happy, so it’s important to like yourself and value your worth.

Here are four tips to increasing your self-worth and improving your chances of achieving relationship happiness:

1. Lighten up – and practice acceptance. Although you don’t have to be Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live, lighten up. No one is perfect and let’s face it – we goof up, sometimes a lot. Catch your negative thinking and tell your inner critic to shut up. Accept that mistakes will be made, and be gentle when you do slip up and learn from the experiences.

2. Create a short list of barriers. What gets in the way of your happiness and confidence? Keep the list short, preferably no more than 5 items, to avoid feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. You may also ask a trusted friend to look over your list to make sure you are realistic in your expectations.

3. Get it done - make an action plan. Pick one barrier from your list and make an action plan to overcome it. Make sure your goals are realistic and measurable to chart your progress.

4. Boost the confidence you do have. Do more of what you already excel at and enjoy. Focus on a trait that you do like about yourself and do the things that bring you pleasure.

Being the kind of person that you want to attract is in your control and a great way to kick off a healthy relationship!

Tip #1

How Do you Know by Body Language if Someone Is Interested in You?

Tip #1 - Monday

Tip #2

What's the perfect venue for a first date?

Tip #2 - Tuesday

Tip #3

What are the rules for texting and dating?

Tip #3 - Wednesday

Tip #4

Does online dating work?

Tip #4 - Thursday

Tip #5

Know How to Talk About Yourself, and What NEVER to say....

Tip #5 - Friday

Use these expert dating tips to help improve your dating life! Remember - dating takes time and patience, but it can really pay off in the end. Make dating a priority in your life and see positive results. Happy dating!

• Men’s Profile Turnoffs?  The biggest turn-offs for men are: women being too picky with who they are looking for, poor grammar and using old photos.
• (Profile) Size matters?  In general, Men would like the ladies to keep their “about me” section to one paragraph, while women think 2-3 paragraphs is an ideal profile length for men.
• Kill the Clichés:  The number one “cliché” deal breaker amongst singles is mentioning you’re “not into playing games.”
• First impressions – a great smile is everything:  Women look at a man’s smile and eyes first in their profile photo, while a woman’s smile and physique are the first things men notice.

Picture Perfect:  Majority of singles want to see casual photos in their match’s profile (81%), and 74% want to see a full body photo. What pics should you avoid?  Save your hipster pics for Instagram, and keep your professional photos on LinkedIn – your future dates don’t want to see either!

*Original Article Posted at Chemisty.com

Sam is by most standards the perfect catch: handsome, tall, 34, loves sports and is an amazing cook. Has been consistently promoted at the same company for the past 15 years, loves high end restaurants, dresses like the dapper Don Draper, and is just a really good, consistent guy. During a coaching session last week, Sam recounted a story about an experience he had with a woman on a first date that made him really like her for two reasons. First reason: In our Smart Dating Tip #3, we talked about the importance of dressing well. Belinda looked like a million bucks on the date – and dressed in a simple yet beautiful dress. He was so used to women who were in skinny jeans and cleavage baring tops – that upon seeing Belinda in her frock, he thought he had died and gone to heaven.

Now, the beautiful dress is not the point of this story. The second substantive reason he liked her is that she was thoughtful and had great manners (manners really matter on dates, especially in the beginning)! Sam, while still recovering from Belinda’s beautiful outfit, and now floating about 2 inches off the ground (like a character from Tom and Jerry)- politely walked over to open Belinda’s car door for her as they were headed out to dinner. He waited for her to get comfortably inside, and then closed the door. He then watched in amazement as she leaned over, dressed up and all, and unlocked his door from the inside. He was stunned. He couldn’t believe that Belinda was not only was gorgeous, but also thoughtful. He had never seen a woman do that – and based upon this small, arguably trivial gesture, assessed that could someday make a great partner, and asked her out again before the date was over.

Women: The moral of the story here is to be as thoughtful to your date as you would be for anyone else! Be greatly appreciative of men’s efforts to take care of you (take great care to thank him profusely for a good time, good restaurant, for paying, etc) but be careful to “do your part” and be nice and thoughtful in return! Most guys are watching for this – they want a good partner in marriage and in life. For Sam, this “unlocking the door” has become the new litmus test for women everywhere to pass! Stay tuned for more about Sam and Belinda in the next few weeks!

*Original Article Posted at AskAmyDaily*

Smart Dating Tip #5 – Go Online – You Never Know Who You Will Meet (Again!)

This week’s true Smart Dating story is amazing. I met this week with a 65 year old coaching client who we’ll call

Helena. For those of you who have been reading my posts from the beginning, Helena first went online 6 years after her husband passed away. She had an overwhelming response to her beautiful photos and profile (one man actually asked her if she was a model…yay)!

Helena has been incredibly constructive, optimistic and diligent about dating “High GHQ” men (men who have “Good Husband Qualities” and come in lots of “different packages”) Since getting online, Helena has been what I call a “dating rock star” – sometimes going on 3-4 dates a week (see, who says that it’s not possible for boomers?!?)

I met Helena this week for coaching and coffee, to get an update on her dating life. She recounted a beautiful story to me – that shows “You Never Know!”

To begin the story, let me explain that I counsel date coaching clients to proactively write to 2-3 people each day (when they are dating online). If this seems like a lot, take into consideration that 90% of written emails never get a response. But people who are serious about finding someone will keep at it. During one online search Helena came across an interesting profile of man, who was witty, articulate, and talked about his work in Emotional Intelligence. Helena is a PHD in Psychology – and found his profile compelling enough to write him a note. His name is Nicholas, and he responded back warmly and promptly. After several email exchanges, they decided to chat on the phone. (Side note: Chatting on the phone is ALWAYS advisable before going on a “blind” or “online” date with someone. You can tell a LOT about a person by speaking with them, even for five minutes). It turns out that Nicholas is a doctor who had attended Harvard Medical School, was a widower, and had 2 kids that went to the University of Chicago (U of C). Helena was delighted at the U of C connection, because she also had a daughter (Beth) that went to U of C. Nicholas went on to talk about his U of C graduate son, who went on to become a Fulbright scholar, and mentioned that the son had graduated in 2003.

Helena gasped. She said, “Is your son Jonathan?” Nicholas was silent for a moment, and astonishingly said, “Well, YES! Do you know him?”

It turns out that Helena’s daughter and Nicholas’ son were best friends at U of C – and are still friends today. Helena had been to Nicholas’ house for Jonathan’s graduation party!!! The connection was cemented, and they went out the next day (neither could wait!!)

These two have been on 5 dates since then – and can’t get enough of each other. He takes her to fantastic dinners, high-end charity dinners (he is also connected to Chicago politics) – and Helena couldn’t be happier.

According to the US census, there are 99.6 million singles over the age of 18 in America. Match.com and eHarmony report that of those, 20-40 million are dating online at any time. Who would have ever thought these two lovely people would cross paths – again, so late in life? Miracles do happen – and they CAN happen online

Stay tuned for more Helena updates (and Mandy goes speed dating!)…….

*Original Article Posted at AskAmyDaily*

It’s a well known fact that we form first impressions rapidly, and making a great first impression on a date is crucial. Albert Mehrabian’s (a famous UCLA psychologist) widely cited research proved that 93% of first impression is based on non-verbal communication:i.e.the way we sound, walk, and look. Focusing today on “the look”, what can you wear to impress your date every time?

Remember this easy and logical mantra: Most men want to date feminine women, and most women want to date masculine men.So, here are some easy tips to look like the “pretty woman” or “dashing man” that you are:

Women: Get gorgeous and girly!

My good friend and author Rachel Greenwald reported in her book, “Have Him at Hello” (Crown Publishing) that an overwhelming majority of men wanted their dates to wear a dress or skirt. So, look through the closet, and find a flattering (and appropriate) dress or blouse/skirt to your date, with some cute heels. Nothing too low, too revealing, too printed or too short. If you don’t have pieces like these, discount retailers like TJ Maxx, Marshall’s, Nordstrom Rack can be goldmines – and not break your budget. Focus on emphasizing your waist if that’s a region you’re proud of – men are wired to worship the hourglass curvy figures we’ve been given. And, my best kept secret for almost all women is a wrap dress (the gold standard here is Diane von Furstenberg – or simply DVF. Furstenberg’s dresses can take 2 sizes off better than Houdini can).

Men: ZZ Top said it best, “Every Girl’s Crazy about a Sharp Dressed Man.”

With that being said, “man up!” Women want to feel like they’re with a confident, powerful man–A guy who can take care of things –so dress to impress. Get rid of the old sweaters and polo shirts, old faded jeans and sneakers. I work with hundreds of women nationwide, and they unanimously agree that the BEST look for men on a date is: Dark, modern sport coat, nice crisp shirt underneath, dark jeans, and a great pair of shoes with a matching belt! You can NOT go wrong.

Will stepping your look make it look like you’re trying too hard? I’ll pose the question to you: Men, if a woman showed up to the date wearing a pretty dress, what would you think? I’m guessing most of you are thinking, “It would be fantastic.” Women, how would you feel if the guy arrived wearing a nice sport coat and jeans? Most likely, you’d love it. We want to feel like we’re important, and someone “dressing up” a bit for us makes us feel good, like we’re worth it!

Step up your feminine and masculine looks – and you will definitely start turning heads (your date’s and everyone else in the vicinity).

*Original Article Posted at AskAmyDaily*

For those of you that read last week’s Tip #2, “Almost Always Give Someone a Second Chance” from last week involving my client” Mandy,” we write this week about a very interesting turn in her relationship.

The theme for this week is Resilience. In the dating world, this means not letting setbacks hold you back (for long anyway!). It also means kissing some frogs along the way. Mandy’s story is good example of being resilient, after kissing a stinky frog.

Mandy is one of the most coachable and motivated people I’ve worked with so far in my career. She is 38 years old, and has never had a serious boyfriend (parents were very strict when she was growing up – and she didn’t really think about dating til her 30s). She is pretty wise and given her background, is fully in agreement with one of my most important pieces of advice.

That crucial advice is NOT to have sex until you’re in an exclusive relationship (a boyfriend/girlfriend title) and emotionally ready.

Even though Mandy and “Keith” [I've changed both their names--hers to protect the innocent and his because I don't want to give him any more attention) became "exclusive" after their 4th date (read Tip #2 for details - he wanted to move fast!), she still wanted to take things slowly physically and really fall in love before "giving it up."

Good decision!

Keith was very well aware that she wanted to take things slowly, and was fine with it until one strange day last week.
Last Thursday, out of nowhere (and over text by the way) Keith started complaining about the fact that they hadn't yet slept together. This was after a meager six dates. He began barraging her with texts at work - texts that turned cruel and mean ("you have too many rules," "guys need sex," "it's clear to me why you've been single for this long - and you always will be").

Not only did Keith violate a key rule in dating: “Respect people’s boundaries,” but he was also harshly critical and mean (two deal breakers) - revealing himself to be a total jackass.

Mandy was smart and ended it quickly with him (also by text thankfully).

For Mandy, sadly, this was really the first time she felt connected to someone in such a long time. She was totally surprised by the turnabout, and was pretty bummed about it over the weekend as you can imagine. However, yesterday morning, she contacted me and said she will "not quit," wants to get back on the horse and refresh her search (spring for new online dating pictures, as hers are almost one year old), and start rolling again. This is a woman who fell hard and fast for Keith—and many other people might have said: "Online dating stinks, and I quit."

Instead, Mandy is taking the road less traveled. She is already dusting off, and getting back on the Match.com journey.
I often say that the only way to ensure being single forever is to do nothing or quit - and sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs [OR JACKASSES] before you find your prince.

Mandy – we salute your resilience, and the good news is that this “Keith Frog” has gotten you one step closer to finding your prince.

Stay tuned for more Mandy adventures — as this perseverant and lovely women continues her quest to find her prince (and kiss some frogs along the way)!

*Original Article Posted at AskAmyDaily*

Close your eyes for a second…when I say “top single”, who do you imagine? Images flash across your mind. J-Lo in her body stocking. Kim Kardashian with her longer than life lashes. Cameron Diaz and her mega-watt smile. Jennifer Aniston and her luscious locks. Or, maybe it’s the new hot girl at work, with a bangin’ 36-24-36 body, long glossy hair and a Crest Whitestrips smile. The answer is maybe all of them – but not for the reasons you think. As a dating coach who helps people find love, I know what makes top singles successful—and looks alone are not it. Top singles are proactive in creating opportunities to meet men wherever they go – and know that the power lies within themselves. They bring their best possible assets to the game: a winning attitude, an open mind and most of all, charm, the most powerful tool in any top single’s arsenal. Top singles ACT and take advantage of every opportunity:

1) A= Aware and Approachable

Think about it, how many romantic comedies can you think of that don’t involve two strangers meeting in an unexpected way in an unexpected place? Top singles know that you can’t just peruse dating network sites every night. You have to get off auto-pilot and get into “meet mode” by looking for opportunities everywhere you go. Whether it’s the workplace, the gym, Starbucks, or Whole Foods, approach every environment with an open dating mind – and talk to a stranger! Take a deep breath before you walk in, be present in the moment and look approachable! Smile, look around and be aware of who’s looking at you. Find the people with “friendly faces” and give a warm smile, rich eye contact, and give a warm “hi”! Men tell me every day – I will never approach a woman who hasn’t given me the sign (eye contact and a smile) – so give the sign, ladies!

2) C= Create a Conversation

If fear of public speaking is the most significant fear, striking up a conversation with a total stranger is a close second. When you are prepared, it's not as difficult as you think! The environment around you is RICH with natural icebreakers & conversational props. Take Starbucks - there are dozens conversation starters everywhere you look: the amazing selection of scones, the headlines on the newspaper, or something interesting someone is wearing (sports hat, nice scarf, a briefcase). Sincere compliments, the cornerstone of charm, are fantastic jump starters. Recently at Starbuck’s I saw a nice looking, friendly face and challenged myself to strike up conversation. Thinking quickly, I said "You know….I've been on a drink treadmill for the last few weeks (triple skim cappuccino), and I want to try something new. Tell me your favorite drink, and I'm ordering it – I need to shake it up this morning!" He said, “Frappucino” – looking at me with a raised eyebrow. I ordered it – and he laughed. We got into an hour-long conversation, and he ended up sending us a dating client!

3) T= Take it to connection!

So your hard work paid off. You got out of your comfort zone, sent out positive, friendly dating vibrations, and met someone in an unexpected way, just like in the movies! So now you want to show him that you’re interested. A great way to do that is to soften up your body language – because 93% of the impression you’ll make is based upon non-verbal communication! Here’s an easy mnemonic device “SOFTEN UP” to remember how to do that:

S = Smile (universal sign of happiness, and sexy/attractive)
O = Open Body Language (don’t cross your arms – looks angry/disinterested)
F = Forward Lean (don’t lean back in your chair, looks like you’re bored)
T = Touch Appropriately (on the arm, back, elbow, hand while conversing)
E = Eye Contact (eyes are the windows to the soul – look into them!)
N = Nodding (not like an eager toddler– gently to show you’re in agreement!)
U = Undivided Attention (even if George Clooney walks by, try not to look!)
P = Positive (don’t talk about exes, your bad boss, your frenemies)

Top singles know that good men are EVERYWHERE – and they create opportunities to meet them everyday. Don’t each lunch at your desk, buy your newspaper at Starbucks – get out of your house!! If you push yourself, ACT quickly, and follow these tips, your single will quickly become a double J

First impressions are crucial – but whoa – can they sometimes be wrong!     Haven’t you ever said or done something, and wished that a giant “UNDO” button would appear, erasing the cringeworthy thing that just came out of your mouth?    In dating, this happens ALL the time – when we do or say something “off” out of nerves – and we get screened out for a minor transgression that has absolutely nothing to do with our true character L

Funny enough – I’ve heard two stories from Chicago women of a near missed connections – having to do with the same reason.    They both almost let go of a good man because he played foul by female law on Date #1 – the old, leaving ‘em to get home/in the house by themselves.     Rude?   Maybe….  Dealbreaker?  Not so much.

Three weeks ago, my client “Mandy” went on a Match.com date with “Keith.”    Promptly 90 minutes after the date had ended, I heard my cell phone buzz with a text:

Mandy:   “Don’t think Keith liked me very much.”

Bela:  “Why?”

Mandy:  “We left the bar, said goodbye, and he just took off.    Didn’t even wait for me to hail a cab.

Now, being in the thick of it with each client, I’m a little bummed – and trying to think of a “make Mandy feel better” response.

Suddenly, my IPhone buzzes again:

Mandy:  “Hmmm, Keith just texted me that he had a great time, and wants to go out on Saturday.”

Bela:  “If 70% of the date was good, give him another chance, and don’t toss him back for one foul.

Saturday’s date was fantastic – they had a really fun night, and he said, “I haven’t met a girl as cool as you in a long time.”   This week, they got a title: “boyfriend/girlfriend”   Awwww!!!!    And, he sent her an email with the text that’s on the cover of this blog!!    And, most importantly, Keith has not pulled any cab fouls again….Stay tuned for Mandy and Keith stories!

It reminded me of a personal story – of a good friend of mine from Waukegan, IL.     My childhood friend Amy was about to “ditch” her suitor Dr. Adam after the first date – when he dropped her off at home at 10pm, and just drove away – as she walked up to her apartment in the pitch black night.     ”WHO DOES THAT?” she and her girlfriends discussed?   Ugh – must be a narcissist, jackass”, and the judgements abounded.   Amy called Adam the next day – fully intending to dump him, (slyly calling at 2pm, thinking he’d be at work, so she’d just get his answering machine).  Instead, Dr. Adam picked up the phone and chatted for an hour.   He said, “Can I take you out again?”    And….the rest was history.   They live in Lake Forest, IL – with 3 beautiful daughters.

For me, there are definite deal breakers that never deserve a second date, such as:

•  Someone who is lecherous / not respectful of your boundaries
• Anyone with anger / hostility issues (blows up at a waiter/cabbie)
• People with substance addiction issues (8 drinks on a 2 hour date, eek!)
• Someone who is married/ in a LTR and cheating

So, the moral of the dating story for this week is this:    ”If more than 70% of the date is good (and the 30% has none of the deal breakers above – just minor trangressions/awkwardness)  give him or her a second chance!”

*Original Article Posted at AskAmyDaily*

But what about finding love? So many of us think that if we lose weight – then we’ll find love. The truth is, finding love has nothing to do with what you look like or what’s external, and everything to do with how you feel about yourself and accepting yourself just the way you are. When you can do that, you will attract someone who will also accept and love you as you are.

With that in mind, keep your resolutions to better yourself but add loving yourself and finding love as well. Here’s how:

1) Prioritize Love
Finding love is something that we so often think will "just happen" and isn’t something we should work for. This is a gigantic fallacy. If you want to lose weight, change careers or get a new job, what do you do? Set a goal, make a plan and stick to it. Finding love is no different. Throw everything you have at finding love - and make it your absolute top priority, including time, effort and dollars. And like a workout, you should spend at least one hour a day on your plan. (If you need a jump start plan, we can help!)

2) Get Rid of Toxic Exes and their Remnants
The 3am booty calls, the old exes that come around and fan old flames? Resolve to let them GO. Contrary to what you believe, they DO hold you back. You can't invest yourself in a new search if you always have a back-up plan, because it diminishes your incentive. As painful as it might be, delete their phone numbers, stop responding and purge your house of anything that reminds you of an ex. Gifts, letters, photos: get rid of them. Facebook stalking: stop it. Anything that makes you reminiscent or sad: throw it out!

3) Make a 3-Pronged Dating Plan
A thorough dating plan includes 3 key elements: Letting online opportunities work for you, Utilizing real life meeting situations, and Vigilant networking for good set-ups. Think “LUV”:

L is for “Let them Come to You” Online dating is by far the easiest way to meet people you would normally never meet in real life. Where else can you advertise yourself for practically pennies and screen potential suitors without even leaving your house? The key is to have great photos, highlight your most appealing qualities and be specific in your interests and values. That way, you will attract someone who likes you for who you are. And pay special attention to the daters who notice you – whether in the “who’s viewed me" section, the “favorites” section or those who write to you directly. Maybe they don’t have your dream qualities, but they may just have Good Husband Qualities that have eluded all of your exes!!

U is for “Utilize Real Life Situations” It’s time to get out there and meet people. And you don’t have to go to bars. Try your favorite local café, take a class in something that interests you or volunteer for a cause that matters to you - all places that are ideal for meeting someone with similar values and interests. And don’t be shy – overcome your fears and strike up a conversation!

V is for “Vigilant Networking” The number one way to meet someone is still through family, friends and co-workers. Why? Your friends, family and co-workers naturally affiliate with people who share the same values and interests as you. So instead of rolling your eyes when someone that you know suggests setting you up, keep an open mind and see for yourself what that person is about before you pooh-pooh the idea. Likewise, accept every invitation to parties and get-togethers. You never know whom you might meet!

So work hard and fulfill your resolution to find love in 2012. As in the movie Field of Dreams – build it and they will come!

As a dating coach, people come to me from every city and even other countries to get better at dating, and find love.    In our program, the goal is to get the 2nd date with everyone (whether you want it or not!) – meaning, the person WANTS to date you again.

So, what’s the secret of getting someone to like you?    It’s not just about wearing your sexiest dress or aphrodiasic-esque cologne.

It's pure and simple - the secret of getting someone to like you is to like the other person first.     Every single human has a fundamental desire to be liked, appreciated and respected.   And it’s a need that often goes vastly unfulfilled.

Change your mindset – instead of worrying so much about yourself, get out of your own head, and make at least one person that comes your way “feel like a million bucks.”

It’s shockingly easy.   Smile warmly, and say hi (even if it’s to someone on the street – doesn’t matter!).    And, if you get into conversation – listen intently (a very charming trait), sincerely find something you like about that person, and tell them (this is no time to keep your positive thoughts to yourself).

If you look at the person thinking, “What do I like?” I guarantee you, in most cases, you’ll find something.

The best way to master this technique is to practice.    If you like the earrings of the cashier at Starbucks, tell her.    If the produce guy at the grocery store went to get you some fresh tomatoes, tell him how much you appreciate him, and that he made your day.     It's about making someone else feel good - and it's easy to do. Start practicing today - so that when the big moment arrives, and  you’re sitting across from your date, you'll know exactly what to do!

Be nice, smile, and like someone first - and this great and positive energy  will come back to you in spades.  You get what you give – even in dating  :-)

*Original Article Posted at AskAmyDaily*

Before I give you some very simple and EASY pointers – let’s have a listen to a voicemail DON’T.

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

(Whether this is real does not matter! Just don’t do ANYTHING our boy Dmitri did and you will be in good shape!!)

Here are some voicemail DO’S:

1. Prepare! In this day and age, when caller-ID is a given, if you are calling a woman for the first time – chances are she won’t recognize your number and won’t answer even if she’s right next to the phone. So figure out what you’ll say before you call and practice!
2. Brevity is KEY. Short and sweet is the way to go. Don't babble on and on. She’s not going to listen to you hemming and hawing away.
3. Make it fun! Think about how you met – whether in a bar, or online and mention something about it that shows the connection without saying something like “I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m that guy who emailed you yesterday and yeah, you may not remember me but I said something about my dog and yeah, call me back if you want to…” Instead, show some confidence. Try this: “Hi Sarah! It’s Jake. It was great to get your email. I haven’t tried Japonais yet – but I’ve been dying to. Call me! Being a newbie to sushi, I’d love some other recommendations! My number is 123-4567” She will want to call you back after an upbeat, positive message like this.
4. BREATHE. Get yourself to relax before the beep. You know what to say – now just do it!
5. Don’t forget the phone number part! As in the above sample – make sure you remember to give her your name AND number. Even though caller-ID is practically a given today – better safe than sorry
6. Keep it upbeat! Just make an effort to be smiling when you leave the message – even if she can’t see it, a smile is evident in your voice.
7. Uh – make sure to disconnect! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve left messages for people and then thought I had hung up, and immediately started saying something that she probably didn’t need to hear.
8. And that should do it! Just one final point - if you have to leave a voicemail then make sure you only leave one -- two or more might ring her “stalker” alarm. Let her miss you a little!

Like a good student (lol) - he also adopted the right mindset. He has cast his net wide - and is dating women of different races and religions and having a wonderful time. He actually wanted a coaching session with me so that he could get some help limiting 4 of his "A List" girls down to 2 - because he wants some personal time back - all this dating has taken over his life!!

Having such great success, his advice is: "Be confident in yourself by not 'investing too much in the outcome.'" Simply put, don't make yourself nervous and freak out about the date - just look at it as another chance to get to know someone. Let her know you, be genuinely interested in her - and just see where it goes. Low pressure, low stress - but lots of fun.

Moral of the story: He went on EVERY second date he wanted to. The way you position yourself online matters.

But looking back to the day when I was doing a LOT of online dating myself – I have to admit - my own online profile was crap. I didn’t think I was interesting – and so, as a result, my profile wasn’t interesting. When you don’t recognize your own coolness, your own interesting and unique qualities – it shows in your profile and you end up with one of those profiles where you say something like “I love long walks on the beach,” or “I’m just as comfortable in sweatpants as a cocktail dress” – generic phrases that 4 out of 5 profiles contain. These are the kind of profiles that get bypassed for the million other profiles that are just a mouse click away.

Here’s the dealio, though. I was interesting. (Ex - I’m the first person to sacrifice myself at a karaoke bar, I’m insanely punctual, and I’m ½ Kiwi). And you’re interesting too. Sometimes it just takes someone else to remind you.
So with that in mind, think about what stories throughout your life, or what specific concrete examples or experiences best illustrate the unique you. Weave these together into an interesting tapestry, that will ultimately captivate your target, make them smile or even better - laugh!

OK – so truth be told – it’s far from easy to write about yourself, and….write interestingly. The clients I’ve helped with their profiles get great responses, and you will too if you spend a few days thinking about it. My best tip - avoid lists of adjectives!!! If you need help, I’m here for you. Fill out our contact form, and send me your question. I’ll get back to you as soon as possible, and remind you how UN-boring you are :)

Just to fill you in on what this site is about – I started the Smart Dating Academy originally to help coach people, singles, divorcees, widows, online daters, you name it - on how to be better at dating – so that in the long run, they’d find a lifetime partner to grow old with. What the Academy has turned into is a full service school, if you will, teaching you how to handle the important steps throughout the entire dating process – including dating coaching, image consulting, online profile analysis and editing, and communications consulting. We’ve done the research and know what works out there in the trenches! We tailor packages for each individual and we’re here to help with anything and everything you think you might need help with when it comes to dating and finding “the one.”

I’ve loved every minute of my experiences with the Academy so far – and have learned so much from you and about you. Most importantly – I’ve learned that you really want to learn and get better at this whole dating thing. You’re the brave and bold out there who aren’t afraid to admit that you might need a little help in the relationship department. Believe me, you are not alone. But, unlike those who don’t seek out help and ways to better themselves, you are the ones that are going to ultimately succeed and find what you’re looking for.

So, in keeping with my goal of helping you and giving advice – I’ve decided to start this blog and keep you “in the know” with online dating tips, image advice, current dating statistics, and answers to dating and relationship questions that I get every day. I’m here to help – and hope that I do just that!